A flurry of friends surround me with heat.
Heat of the body and warmth of the heart.
A happy gathering ready to eat,
For a moment forgetting time apart.
They are all so brightly buzzing with joy.
My sad heart gets lost in fire's delight
I hide the pain so as not to destroy
The smiles that bring comfort to this sad plight.
They share their plans for this day of thanks give,
No one asks my plans, they already know.
I'll sit alone, my pain and grief relive.
The dark memories and the pain will flow.
I give thanks none of you will be alone,
With sorrows and pains that are all home grown.
Emptiness resides in my heart's desire.
A struggle to want anything at all.
Darkness inside rather than passion's fire.
A wish all I have, though something quite small.
Love to dominate rather than my pain.
Spreading smiles and laughter, live life for joy!
But for now my love falls away like rain,
Leaving me feeling like a broken toy.
I want to hope, but fear stands in my way.
Weighing me down with all of my troubles.
The beast in my heart I wish I could slay.
It slithers and hides in my hearts rubble.
My dearest loves try to protect me so,
For them I try to make my heart's fire grow.
Your eyes are dark as the light of your soul
And I am blinded by the gaze of both.
A chance to have and make your heart as whole
is what I long for. To protect, my oath.
As your heart reveals my affections grow.
I lose my senses to thoughts about you.
You're everything and more I wish to know,
As your smile brightens my heart through and through.
The ills of your heart I wish I could mend
With soft kisses and love like none can show.
To give my all and be more than a friend
And with my love the break in your heart sew.
Your beauty of heart and mind is too great
For those of small souls to take as their fate.
'You can do it' echoes inside my brain.
The words they say to make me feel better,
The words they say that do drive me insane.
'You can do it,' does make my eyes wetter
The truth is the storm inside stops me cold,
Keeps me from doing the easiest things.
Takes the ability to act as bold
As I would like, with a heart that can sing.
My only truth is sometimes I cannot.
To calm my storms of fear and doubt and rage-
I must learn to confine my inner rot,
And confine the beast in my mental cage.
Reflections and rest are what I must use
To stay sane and my body not abuse.
A flurry of friends surround me with heat.
Heat of the body and warmth of the heart.
A happy gathering ready to eat,
For a moment forgetting time apart.
They are all so brightly buzzing with joy.
My sad heart gets lost in fire's delight
I hide the pain so as not to destroy
The smiles that bring comfort to this sad plight.
They share their plans for this day of thanks give,
No one asks my plans, they already know.
I'll sit alone, my pain and grief relive.
The dark memories and the pain will flow.
I give thanks none of you will be alone,
With sorrows and pains that are all home grown.
Emptiness resides in my heart's desire.
A struggle to want anything at all.
Darkness inside rather than passion's fire.
A wish all I have, though something quite small.
Love to dominate rather than my pain.
Spreading smiles and laughter, live life for joy!
But for now my love falls away like rain,
Leaving me feeling like a broken toy.
I want to hope, but fear stands in my way.
Weighing me down with all of my troubles.
The beast in my heart I wish I could slay.
It slithers and hides in my hearts rubble.
My dearest loves try to protect me so,
For them I try to make my heart's fire grow.
Your eyes are dark as the light of your soul
And I am blinded by the gaze of both.
A chance to have and make your heart as whole
is what I long for. To protect, my oath.
As your heart reveals my affections grow.
I lose my senses to thoughts about you.
You're everything and more I wish to know,
As your smile brightens my heart through and through.
The ills of your heart I wish I could mend
With soft kisses and love like none can show.
To give my all and be more than a friend
And with my love the break in your heart sew.
Your beauty of heart and mind is too great
For those of small souls to take as their fate.
'You can do it' echoes inside my brain.
The words they say to make me feel better,
The words they say that do drive me insane.
'You can do it,' does make my eyes wetter
The truth is the storm inside stops me cold,
Keeps me from doing the easiest things.
Takes the ability to act as bold
As I would like, with a heart that can sing.
My only truth is sometimes I cannot.
To calm my storms of fear and doubt and rage-
I must learn to confine my inner rot,
And confine the beast in my mental cage.
Reflections and rest are what I must use
To stay sane and my body not abuse.